Mike Ferraro and Judge

When [Noisey](http://noisey.vice.com released this

interview along with the corresponding videos about Mike Ferraro and Judge, I must say it is beyond priceless, quality, media that stands head and shoulders above my own expectations about Mike and Judge. This is a gift that will forever keep on giving. Thank Mike F. and Noisey, as well as doublecross webzine. Truly monumental.

How much did MikeF judge impact my life… ** IMMENSELY!**

In the videos on of things that Mike says is that he was always a “Knock Around guy”, oh man, as Col. Kurtz says in “Apocalypse Now”… “Like a diamond shot right through the forehead”. It stirs up seriously strong emotions from way way deep down.

He digs Neil Young, and David Bowie and yet was singer for Judge. Awesome. He endured he is still around….

He Survived, and is the consummate Survivor.

In all of my life he is responsible for penning some of my most fave song lyrics of all time

“Just Like You” - The most simplistic, but most truthful lyrics that I ever heard still to this day.

JUST LIKE YOU I CHOSE A PATH

AND FOUGHT TO MAKE IT WORK

THOUGHT I FOUND WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR

OH GOD I’M FUCKING LOST

LIKE YOU, I FACE REJECTION

LIKE YOU, I LOOK FOR ACCEPTANCE

LIKE YOU, I DON’T ALWAYS DO RIGHT

NOW I’M TRYING TO FIND THE THINGS I FOUGHT TO HIDE

WHEN I WAS YOUNG

I’VE GOT TO FIND

THE THINGS I LEFT BEHIND

BUT NOW ALL I SEE

IS THE DAMAGE I DONE TO ME

I’VE FOUND THINGS AREN’T BLACK AND WHITE

I’VE LOST THINGS THAT WERE RIGHT IN SIGHT

I’VE HAD MY SHARE OF DISCOURAGEMENT

I TRIED TO FORGET, I TRIED TO FORGET

I WAS LIKE YOU

DOES IT TAKE A STRONG MAN?

I’M JUST LIKE YOU

“I’ve Lost” - The most emotional and hurt filled soulful |

If only I could put into words

The way I feel

Telling myself the situation’s not real

Lost and sometimes I feel

I have nowhere to go

Because you tell me it’s wrong

To let my feelings show

I’ve Lost My Place To turn

I know I fucked it up

I turned away

One too many times

Suffered from an ego trip

That left me fucking blind

Friends are telling me

The loneliness will go away

But the memories will be there

As long as

The ink in my fingers stays

I choose to stay away

Because I want to keep control

My head is thinking straight

But my heart says explode

The thought of someone else

Is much too much

And friendship means

You’re just beyond my touch**

“Hear Me” - For those with trauma, ptsd, and anxiety from the shit that they experienced and that went down within their collective lives. |

I USED TO THINK THE DAY WOULD NEVER COME

IT’S ON MY HEELS AND I’M RUNNING ON MY OWN

CARE FREE DAYS, MAN I NEVER KNEW

THEY COULD CATCH ME AND STICK TO ME LIKE GLUE

IT WAS SO FUNNY, REMEMBER HOW WE LAUGHED

GROWING COLD, I CAN’T GET AWAY FROM THE PAST

IT GOES RIGHT FOR MY THROAT

IT CRUSHES ME, BUT I WON’T LET IT SHOW

IF I DO, YOU MIGHT SEE THAT I’M SCARED

I WANT TO RUN, BUT I JUST DON’T KNOW WHERE

ONCE AGAIN MY FISTS HIDE MY FEAR

EACH BLOW IS FOLLOWED BY A TEAR

IT WAS SO FUNNY, REMEMBER HOW WE LAUGHED

GROWING COLD, I CAN’T GET AWAY FROM THE PAST!

I CAN’T GET AWAY FROM ThE PAST!

CAN YOU HEAR ME? HEAR WHEN I SCREAM

YOU HEAR MY WORDS, BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I’M TIRED, OF THE GAMES WE PLAY

I’M THROUGH FIGHTING, YOU’LL NEVER KNOW

WHAT I WANTED TO SAY

“Where it went” – About the clinging for too long, and the depression that comes with this clinging, and the loss of friendships and relationships that in the end all humans succumb to at one point or another.

I feel it. It’s coming on

Beaten sorrows of days gone wrong

When this song is over i’ll hang my head

And think of all the times of brotherhood

And things we said

And what it meant, what it meant to you friend

And where it went

And what was said

And where it went

Time, time, time goes slow

And I still have so far to go

And I can tell you just where i’ve been

But I know that feelings isn’t coming back again

And where it went

And what was said

And where it went

I think back to the things i’ve said

And I thought that I was right at the time

I look back at the things i’ve done

In times when compassion was so hard to find

Now I’m stronger, so much stronger

And i’ll confront myself

I’ll live and learn and love it

I’m not afraid to change myself

Because we’re here

It’s our time to get things right

Our problems will crow if we turn and run

It’s time to get things done

Do you feel what I feel?

Do you feel the same?

I can look you in the face

And I know i’ve lost a friend

Do you feel the same?

Tell me

Mike is from NJ.

The cover of bringin it down – The picture of Porcelly on his knees with his guitar just crushing it. And the Crossed Hammers, the ultimate in bad ass symbolism. It just clicked, as in this is me, no doubt about it.

And after all that time he came out and expressed himself at length.

Priceless… I owe so much… that can never be repaid.

You can laugh, but I just look. with Derision.

In the 90s and throughout the next 20 years, Mike was a legend but no one really knew shit about him. But musically and lyrically, I knew way deep down, that I could identify and on varying levels dealt with a lot of the shit he went through in life.

Although at various times in my life, mainly in the context of my different careers, vocations, and professions, I did successfully and honorably become sociable to a degree, I’m still at the most intimate depths of my persona remain socially awkward, emotionally intense and quite the introvert, or maybe it’s best to say that I am quite introverted.

I used to become Ziggy Stardust, or Dwid Hellion or Mike Judge at times, literally without drugs, this music could raise my state of consciousness… in very palpable and concrete sense.

I was first lent the album and 7 inches of Judge by a friend of mine Inti, a young Sardo

dude at the time of a spry and angst ridden 18 years old, when I was living in San Sperate

Sardinia in the United States Air Force. The second I heard Mike’s singing, I was completely fucking blown away, it was truly the way I felt in the deepest depths of the four chambers of my Heart! He is and was always the best Hardcore vocalist period, his voice and the way he sings would make me want to tear shit apart, and then seconds later put me in such an emotional state where I thought I would flat out melt down into tears and unbridled fucking sorrow. But even more importantly were the lyrics to all of Judge’s songs, so succinct, so simple yet some of the most powerful words that I have ever read in my half a century on this planet bar none. You can laugh, you say “What the fuck is wrong with this guy” he is 51 years old and talking about this like a long lost love or a full blown spiritual awakening or some shit. He truly must have issues.

You know what “Oh, fucking well, man, it is what it is” and I am gonna stand by these words and this post and what is being expressed in it. Judge saved my life, and blew my mind, altered my consciousness, and at many deep dark and truly tumultuous moments in my life. This positive rage, made sure that the sparks and embers never died down. Not much more can be said for that, can you?

I think it was the second time I hooked up with my boys, nicola, davide, and inti down somewhere around Via Roma in Cagliari, fucking Inti had used white out to paint the complete lyrics to “Bringing it down” on to his skateboard. To this day, that is hands down some rad shit!

The last show I went to was over 5 years ago. For various reasons, some of it was finishing up a Bachelor’s degree up at Rutgers, as well as becoming completely isolationist. Amongst other things, and I think that I got to a point where many other older punk/hc/sxe kids start questioning whether or not they should be that involved in these things because of age. I am not JADED and hopefully never will be, the only thing that freaks me out somewhat is when browsing the Reddit straightedge subreddit it sounds kind of like these new kids were going in the wrong direction, and had some weird ideas about what SXE is/was all about. But hey, fuck it, people can do what they will.

Back in the 80s/90s, when Judge was not together anymore I would just guage every other punk/hc/sxe band by how their shit stood up against “Bringing It Down”, and No-One ever came close, except and I am sorry to say this but consider it all good and positive, except Have Heart “The Things We Carry”.

Strife was close but in the end…

In a strange way Judge and how I saw Mike was like my drug of choice and a strange addiction in and of itself. Everything about Judge was perfect, then I know the guys that run doublecross website were like total Judge Homage geeks, and that made me smile deep down. I even dug the shit out of Mike Judge and old smoke. Even some of the stories I heard like, he is just some hermit up in North Jersey, I felt that. Fuck that’s kind a how I be livin now.

At many different points in my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am pretty lonely, alone, and a loner. But friends and relationships are ephemeral at best for all us in the end. Just like Mike says in the video, I have become relatively much more than ok, with being alone, lonely and a loner and holding my own these days. Fuck it.

My world is my mind… Descendents!!!!

It’s just beyond all beliefs and preconceived notions, that the second “Bringing it Down” comes on… TO this very moment, I just lose my shit. End of story.

The first job that I had when I retired, I had given the “Judge” discog when it came out, to this dude I worked with, and the very first words he said were… And I quote:

“Man… you have serious fucking issues”

Yup sure do…. But I am still here, and I am free as any man can muster and manage to be more than most pitiful fuckers. Keeping it Simple and Keeping it Clear!!!

I think some of us just feel and bleed life and the suffering/trauma that comes with it, a lot more deeply than most of you.

At the end of this post, I/we all have to thank Mr. Anthony Civarelli because he was the fulcrum, the dude that I think really got Mike to speak up.


© 2013–2019 Look here to take a look at my projects and code Github  CodePen  FreeCodeCamp